Motherhood is beautiful. It is, but that doesn’t mean that it’s easy. It’s probably the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life. But it’s also something that I will never regret. My daughter, Chloe, is 3 years old, and I honestly can’t imagine the last three years without her in them. Like all three-year-olds, we have our days that very much fit the description of “terrible threes,” but for the most part, life is really fun. Every day, we visit Thanksgiving Point, the Loveland Aquarium, or a park. It’s the BEST. 

To be fully transparent, though, it hasn’t always been this way. The first nine months of her life were hard. Really hard. I remember crying a lot. I remember wondering if I would ever feel a strong emotional connection to this little human that I was taking care of. I remember hoping that things would get easier. 

Chloe was born the last week of July, Marc started medical school at the University of Utah in August, and I started working full-time as a nurse in October. We had just moved to Salt Lake City and were living in a 900-square-foot apartment, and for the most part, I was at home alone. When COVID hit, the fear and uncertainty of being a nurse in the midst of an ever-growing pandemic were crushing. I worked with infected patients during the day and came home to my newborn at night. During this time, Chloe still wasn’t sleeping through the night, and anyone who knows me knows that I do not function on small amounts of sleep. Babies are pretty boring. A lot of hard work, but boring. What do they do? They sleep, eat, and poop. Let’s talk about the eating part. Breastfeeding is hard. To anyone who has successfully breastfed, I applaud you.

I share this to let you know that you are not alone. If you are feeling overwhelmed and like you are doing something wrong because you are not feeling the joy of new motherhood, I feel your pain. Sometimes those newborn days are simply about survival. If you get through the day with a clean, fed baby and a safe, snuggled mama, you are doing amazing. And I promise that things will improve. The baby will need less and less from you, and soon you’ll all be sleeping and showering again.

One way to make sure that you are treasuring the newborn stage is to schedule a newborn photography session. This way, even if you are not enjoying it now, you can look back after things have settled down and smile at how little they were. You can take a deep breath knowing that you have their little details documented forever. Take some pressure off of yourself and let your photographer handle the baby for a couple of hours. 

My hope is that you’ll be able to focus on this massive transition that you are going through. Your life will never be the same. It won’t. But in more ways than one, it will actually be better than you could have ever imagined it to be. You are strong. You are brave. You are a mother. 

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